"Headlines"
3. (a catalog entry for a coat) "... the interior key pocket holds a gerbil or a hotel key card ..."
2. (a Post Office holiday mailing) "Hours of Operation: Mon-Fri: Closed; Sat: Closed; Sun: Closed"
1. (an agenda for a seminar) "9 a.m.: Is there a facelift in your future? Ask the gynecologist!"
(I know these aren't the funniest, but most of tonight's headlines were too visual to pass on in this format.)
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